Why did I ever like you to begin with?
I thought time heals, not opens, old wounds.
I thought I should get that out of the way as Canada Day was yesterday. That being said, I need to kick off July by getting some things off my chest, as I always have things to get off my chest.
Monday wasn’t a good day, but those tend to happen when seven hours of sleep turn into a three-hour nap and a two-hour nap interspersed by an hour-long period of despair and restlessness. This is just a first-world problem of trying to sleep on a warm, muggy night.
The day felt marred by disconnects, misunderstandings, and mishaps. It’s never an official day without awkward moments or moments where asking a legitimate question makes me feel like a bumbling, stupid fool who never should’ve been dumb enough to ask about something so minute in overall importance.
I want to resign myself into thinking this day was a complete loss—just a bad day piled on to an already towering peak of bad days. It’s one of those days that makes me want to lash out, and perhaps kick something.
But you wouldn’t care. And I know that no one will ever feel sorry about my day. Hardly anyone has. That’s fine.
This is what happens when I care too much. This is what happens when I always demand some sort of structure to a day, where a varying number of arcane conditions must be met. But what’s the use? A day should be judged based on a list of items? No.
For far too long, I have placed ambiguously high demands and standards on myself. If I do something right, I always tell myself it could have been better. If I do something wrong, I always tell myself that that was bound to happen, and that I have no use in trying to improve myself to prevent the bad thing from happening because it will happen again anyway.
I need to stop this. I feel like I always have chips on my shoulder (not the ones you eat nor the ones you use when playing Poker) and there is a pervasive aura of agita that has enveloped me and shrouded me. I can’t keep overlooking the positive events in life, especially when they outnumber the negatives in certain situations!
I think some life hacks are needed. Nothing drastic like shock therapy but just some things I need to do differently one at a time.
I learned today that it is easier to change oneself incrementally rather than to do a complete 180. So a first step in this life hack will be to forget. Rather than think incessantly about a particular person or thing bothering me, I will instead not even think about it—probably for 12, 18, or even 24 hours. Thinking about something upsetting will only make you…more upset (WOW!). At the minimum, it will make you more upset and it may spark a conflagration of damaging negativity inside you that could affect others within your social and/or familial circle.
Sometimes in life we need to stop, forget, and let go of things. Life is no easy picnic and people will not always help you up and help you out. Think of yourself walking around with a massive slippery glass bowl that you later drop onto the floor, causing it to shatter. You also lose your footing and you fall face first into the shards of broken glass. Your face is covered with the sharp debris and you have cuts everywhere oozing out blood (not to mention the physical pain). As painful as this must feel like in your imagination (and I hope this hasn’t happened to anyone in real life), you have to be able to get up and persevere. You can’t worry about what had happened and you have to trudge forward.
No one ever finishes life unscathed. Everyone has a scar, everyone has damage, everyone has pain that they either conceal or reveal. But everyone has the same mission: living through it.
If there was ever a lesson you needed in life, this is it right here.
Put down the self-help books, stop attending seminars, stop asking people on Reddit, Yahoo Answers, Facebook, or Twitter. Just read the damn title of this post.
It is all you need to know about life and all about the people you will encounter in life.
People are scum, people have been scum, people will continue to be scum, and this will not fucking stop for the rest of eternity, or for however long humankind remains on this planet before they kill themselves off of it.
People take each other for granted. And ironically social media has really amplified and magnified just how much people do take each other for granted.
The number of friends they claim to have is just a number. Do you think they seriously give a damn about 20,439 people? Or even 10 percent of that, which is a little less than 2,044 people?
Social media brings more people together but it also brings a lot more of the charades, the duplicity, and the dishonesty we could really do without. But that’s what makes social media so great, right? Because it brings more people together?
A lot of this crap stands out to me much more than it seems to do for others, either because I have a keen eye for BS, or because I wear my heart on my sleeve. But this is crap I can do without.
In life you will have glorious epiphanies without fanfare where you realize things about the people you know. By “epiphanies,” I do mean they happen more than once. A lot more than once. No matter how many times they happen, you will likely re-evaluate the people in life. And if certain people elicit a lot of negative reactions or feelings when those certain people don’t mean a whole lot to you, it’s time to make some decisions and changes.
With changes come conflict. Maybe you don’t want to create an awkward aura with the person. Or, you really have had enough and you want to put your foot down.
Whatever you decide, if it’s a decision or you choose to forge a system of decisions, buy into it. If you’re gonna believe in something, go out there and believe in it 100 percent and do not waver, not even for a second.
Be true to yourselves and be even more true when more things become false. Don’t believe the lie, clutch the lie, or embrace the lie—unless you want to become a lie.