I thought I should get that out of the way as Canada Day was yesterday. That being said, I need to kick off July by getting some things off my chest, as I always have things to get off my chest.
Monday wasn’t a good day, but those tend to happen when seven hours of sleep turn into a three-hour nap and a two-hour nap interspersed by an hour-long period of despair and restlessness. This is just a first-world problem of trying to sleep on a warm, muggy night.
The day felt marred by disconnects, misunderstandings, and mishaps. It’s never an official day without awkward moments or moments where asking a legitimate question makes me feel like a bumbling, stupid fool who never should’ve been dumb enough to ask about something so minute in overall importance.
I want to resign myself into thinking this day was a complete loss—just a bad day piled on to an already towering peak of bad days. It’s one of those days that makes me want to lash out, and perhaps kick something.
But you wouldn’t care. And I know that no one will ever feel sorry about my day. Hardly anyone has. That’s fine.
This is what happens when I care too much. This is what happens when I always demand some sort of structure to a day, where a varying number of arcane conditions must be met. But what’s the use? A day should be judged based on a list of items? No.
For far too long, I have placed ambiguously high demands and standards on myself. If I do something right, I always tell myself it could have been better. If I do something wrong, I always tell myself that that was bound to happen, and that I have no use in trying to improve myself to prevent the bad thing from happening because it will happen again anyway.
I need to stop this. I feel like I always have chips on my shoulder (not the ones you eat nor the ones you use when playing Poker) and there is a pervasive aura of agita that has enveloped me and shrouded me. I can’t keep overlooking the positive events in life, especially when they outnumber the negatives in certain situations!
I think some life hacks are needed. Nothing drastic like shock therapy but just some things I need to do differently one at a time.
I learned today that it is easier to change oneself incrementally rather than to do a complete 180. So a first step in this life hack will be to forget. Rather than think incessantly about a particular person or thing bothering me, I will instead not even think about it—probably for 12, 18, or even 24 hours. Thinking about something upsetting will only make you…more upset (WOW!). At the minimum, it will make you more upset and it may spark a conflagration of damaging negativity inside you that could affect others within your social and/or familial circle.
Sometimes in life we need to stop, forget, and let go of things. Life is no easy picnic and people will not always help you up and help you out. Think of yourself walking around with a massive slippery glass bowl that you later drop onto the floor, causing it to shatter. You also lose your footing and you fall face first into the shards of broken glass. Your face is covered with the sharp debris and you have cuts everywhere oozing out blood (not to mention the physical pain). As painful as this must feel like in your imagination (and I hope this hasn’t happened to anyone in real life), you have to be able to get up and persevere. You can’t worry about what had happened and you have to trudge forward.
No one ever finishes life unscathed. Everyone has a scar, everyone has damage, everyone has pain that they either conceal or reveal. But everyone has the same mission: living through it.