December · Descender · Dec-Ender · December

So much for writing posts on this blog.

A lot has happened in 2015 and virtually all of it was not documented here. I don’t like to overshare, I had no time to write, I lost the motivation to write—these are the excuses that I don’t care if you don’t accept.

So, while there are still about two dozen hours left in 2015 (at the time of publishing), let me try and reflect on what has happened.

Descender

The month of December and this calendar year could be described with this word. I felt like things went downhill in a few regards. Down moments included:

  • My paternal grandmother dying;
  • Her long-time friend dying;
  • One of my uncles dying; and
  • Having a relationship end.

Aside from these tough moments, there were some good times. A close friend got married! A distant cousin got married, too, and we finally reconnected after not seeing each other for possibly 25 years. I also had some fun getting out of my comfort zone just a little bit and learning more about myself than I ever did.

Matrimony

The few highlights of 2015 involved weddings, one which I served as the groom’s best man. I had to do some public speaking, which I was admittedly nervous for, but by virtually all accounts I hit it out of the park with an honest speech from the heart that many people could probably still remember today.

The other wedding I attended served as a reunion of sorts as I was reunited with a distant cousin whom I had last seen when I was just a toddler. It was great to reconnect and feel like I was part of her family all along. Perhaps 2016 can bring more reconnections?

Dec-Ender

This refrain could apply to the aforementioned deaths and end of relationship. The deaths were a little rough to deal with as they felt like monthly affairs. Losing someone brought me and relatives and other family friends closer.

Losing someone (not in the death sense) also ended up giving me the opportunity to end what I thought was an acceptable way of carrying myself. Sometimes you need to tear yourself down and build yourself back up when these things happen. If your best wasn’t good enough, then you better go and try to be your best.

Learning From Failure

It was a rough go initially. But the thing about failing is that it is that gut punch that serves to teach you; it is an experience that is seared in your memory forever of a period of complacency that should be discarded, but not entirely discarded. There were good memories associated with this time but I needed to change my ways in order to improve myself.

I’ve always believed experience is life’s greatest teacher. There will be bitter moments, there will be harsh moments, there will be moments that leave you questioning whether it is all worth it. They all are—you have to trudge through the morass of misery to realize it, no matter how long it takes.

December

The final month on the calendar but a new year of untapped potential awaits on the other side. The new year is an opportunity to put into practice the lessons I learned in the old year, and maybe I can continue to evolve and change for the better. Towards the end of the old year I began to learn a lot more about myself and realized what kind of untapped potential is still present. I surprised myself with what I proved to be capable of. A little bit of confidence goes a long way and I hope to keep everything going in a positive direction.

2015 had far more misery and death than I had ever anticipated or wanted. I hope 2016 can have less of the negative, the dreary, and the grieving. Maybe 2016 can literally be a happy new year.

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