Now that July has started, it means that six full months have elapsed. It’s hard to believe that 2012 is half over.
I usually look back on all 12 months of the year in December or the following January but I think it’s better to look back on these past six months now while my memory of each month is still good.
I seem to remember approaching 2012 with cautionary optimism. The NFL Playoffs were in full swing and Tebow-mania was reaching its peak. The New York Giants were in the middle of their playoff run while in baseball, the Yankees stunned us all by trading Jesus Montero to the Seattle Mariners for Michael Pineda. The winter wasn’t particularly arctic cold with tons of snow (thank goodness). I also wrote a lengthy entry about the idea of nostalgia and I was also particularly happy about a Yankees hat I acquired through eBay. I also nearly failed to upgrade my iPod Touch to iOS 5 (by the time I did, it was up to iOS 5.0.1) but I took pride in figuring out how to do it despite having no idea what I was doing.
I compared a new Yankee hat with an older Yankee hat and that particular entry still generates a little bit of traffic to this blog (how about that!). Also, the New York Giants won the Super Bowl and I was able to survive Valentine’s Day. Not mentioned too much on my blog was the declining health of my paternal grandfather during this month. He had a few hospital stints over the years but in February, we called 911 when we found him unresponsive in the basement, which had become his living space. I still remember how scared I was when I saw him lying in his bed with eyes that looked glazed—he was staring blankly with his mouth open. Once in the hospital, he was initially in the emergency room but he eventually was moved to a room. I remember watching the Dallas Mavericks play the New York Knicks, when “Lin-sanity” was a relatively new phrase. We’d continue to visit my grandfather in the hospital until he was discharged.
While I like to think of my life as having downs, downs, and further downs, this by far was the saddest month: my grandfather died. He had been hospitalized again overnight on February 29 but died on March 1. I still remember hearing the news of his death and saying “oh no,” the first words I could think of saying. I left work early to go to my grandmother’s to join my grieving family. The subway ride was very somber—I did not cry on the train but I remember not thinking about anything about my grandfather (I spent a little more time thinking about the few text messages from friends asking if I was okay and if there was anything they could do to help) and feeling isolated despite there being people sitting and standing inside the train. My family was able to share a brief moment of happiness as we looked through an old family album and realized how much we resembled our respective uncles, aunts, fathers, and mothers.
If there’s any lasting memory of him I will cherish the rest of my life, it’s definitely this from the last time I ever visited him at the hospital:
With what little strength he had left, he pulled his left hand, weak and frail, out from under his blanket, and shook my hand while gazing deeply at me.
It was a poignant gesture and I knew it would be something that would last a long time in my memory.
Nothing much else happened this month, besides me trying to deal with his death, and trying to pass on any advice I could. Oh, something else happened: I made the transition from being freelance to full-time employment.
I did not update my blog at all. Wow. Well, the Michael Pineda trade ended up sucking because the Yankees lost him to injury (and many people mourned the trade of Jesus Montero, a hitter regarded as being a once-in-a-generation type whose power would never be replaced). The 2012 Major League Baseball season started with cautious optimism from Yankees and Mets fans. I went to two Yankee games this month, one of them being a Sunday night game where I was able to secure some good seats at a very good price. I think it was my transaction that got the Yankees all angry and butt-hurt over StubHub selling Yankee tickets for bargain-basement prices. Sorry, guys.
I celebrated my birthday and someone else’s birthday (the latter being a pick-me-up of sorts that helped me take my mind off of a lot). The New York Rangers were eliminated from the playoffs, and I wrote something relating to SaBROmetrics and also wrote some nonsense here and there.
I surpassed 9000 tweets on Twitter. I also wrote some other things about dreams and a sarcastic post about how to dress for the summer. And I wrote something about difficult decisions because it reflected what I was going through during that particular point in time. The Miami Heat won the NBA Finals which meant LeBron James (everyone’s favorite) won his first championship. Good for him.
I think for the next six months, I need to keep things in perspective. I shouldn’t absorb myself into wishing I lived someone else’s life or thinking I’m not doing enough or not doing the best I could. Many times I probably am but I hold myself to too high a standard.
Having a more positive outlook on things would help me tremendously but I’ve grown so used to the disappointment—I don’t know how I could adjust. It’s been going on for so long (wishing for the best and enduring the worst, rejection by friends and more-than-friends) that I don’t even know when The Year™ will come where everything goes right. Maybe this year is it?