So it reached 97 degrees today in New York and tomorrow’s forecast will be about the same or worse. People were going crazy over how hot it was.
Of course it would be hot. It’s June. In New York. June is also when summer begins. Should it surprise you that it’s hot?
If you’re going to moan about how hot it is, stop doing hot yoga in a velvet jacket while wearing Uggs and go to someplace like Australia, where it is winter and the temperatures are more comfortable.
But when the weather gets warm, you could say that is the time when the fashion trends in New York heat up. Guys start wearing shorts, shirts with bright colors, and flashier sneakers while the girls bust out the flip flops, the sun dresses, the mini skirts, and other more revealing attire.
Some still like to wear their super tight jeans, weathered and worn-down leather boots purchased at the Salvation Army Thrift Store, and cardigans over a short-sleeved turtleneck in this weather—they just choose not to wear socks and they roll the cuffs on their pants up an additional two inches. Enjoy your farmer tans and albino legs.
What’s interesting is that if you’re in New York (or any large city, I guess), you will learn a lot about people once summer comes around. Whether they be friends or strangers, you will begin to notice things otherwise unseen. I’ll make a list explaining it all!
[Please note that this list is largely a parody and is just an exaggeration of things.]
What You Learn About People Once the Weather Gets Warm
- You can now tell who exercises and who doesn’t.
- When the ladies begin to wear the skirts and the sundresses that expose their legs, they also expose how much effort they put into keeping their bodies in shape. You can tell who has the potential to run the New York City Marathon and who will probably suffer a torn calf muscle running for the G train at Classon Avenue. Also, the kankles become more obvious, too. Which brings me to my next point:
- You can tell who takes care of their feet.
- Ladies, if your feet look like a disaster area, please take care of that in advance before the warm weather rolls around. Get a foot massage, get your nails done, and actually wash and pamper your feet—no one wants to see the dead skin all around the heels of your feet. Or, just don’t wear sandals at all. And men—our feet usually always look like disaster areas because WE’RE MANLY MEN AND WE DO MANLY THINGS WITH OUR FEET LIKE RUN, STOMP, WALK FAST, AND KICK THINGS. HOOAH!—we should just avoid wearing sandals, period.
- You can tell who showers and who doesn’t.
- You might be able to get away with it in the colder months by putting on additional deodorant, perfume, cologne, or hair spray. But once the heat is on, forget it. If you think you can get away with boarding a crowded train smelling like 40 pairs of socks worn after full games of basketball or smelling like the toilet paper you used after you took a dump (assuming you even use toilet paper!), you will be exposed in a heart beat. Don’t you realize how nasty and disgusting you feel when all that sweat dries up on you, and dries up on your clothing? Take care of that!
- Suddenly, you can now tell who needs to exercise.
- This is loosely related to the first two items but this is a broader point. Flabby legs, flabby arms, giant guts—all these cannot hide under layers of clothing if it’s going to be at least 80 degrees. If you feel self-conscious about how your body looks, take the initiative and work out, or run, or lift weights, or something like that.
- You now know who needs extra sun…and who got too much of it.
- On an aesthetic scale, it’s disappointing to see someone whose skin gives off a gold luster but yet his or her legs are about as white as the background of this blog. Listen, if you work a job that has you in long pants all the time, give yourself time on weekends to put on some shorts (ladies, put on a bikini, I guess…or for the adventurous men and women: put on no clothes at a nude beach) and do stuff outside. Let your skin get some sun (not too much or else you’ll get burned, or, if you go to tanning salons too much, you’ll look like her). I learned from experience how ridiculous I looked when my body was a gradient of dark to light when looking at me from head to toe. It’s just me, but people with blatantly obvious sunglasses tans look kinda funny.
- WOW, HE MUST HAVE SPENT A LOT OF MONEY ON THOSE SHADES (or “YO, THOSE SHADES ARE FAKE, BRO”)
- Some people bust out the fancy shades and sunnies. Certain demographics make sure to bust out the most expensive-looking frames too. “UV protection be damned, I just want to look cool, nyuk nyuk ( ^_^)>~~~”
The summer is a great time of year. Sure, it’s hot, but the days are long, the nights are short, and the weather tends to be rather phenomenal. Make the most of it!